Always Look On The Bright Side???

I've always thought I was quite a positive, happy person .My daughter scoffs at this 'You always think the worst!'.....I'm afraid, as usual , she is right - Damn it!
There is something inside of me that thinks'Imagine the worse then anything else is a bonus' ; which explains the reason why I have in place not only Life Insurance but also two Power Of Attorneys ( Financial and Health)....just in case.
I do quite enjoy the expressions of people when I mention my POAs ..a mixture of surprise and/or disbelief .I think the trouble is a lot of people either don't see the need or leave it till the last minute and I didn't want Kelly to have that worry.I also plan to take out a Funeral Plan if at all possible at some point -you see I've arranged one funeral ( Fab Hubby) and co- assisted with two others( my parents) and not only is it stressful but its also 'out of pocket' expensive ; especially if its your first time - damn certificates- so I'm also compiling a Death Folder ( my Daughters sooo right! haha!)
It has sections: POAs, Living Will (yet to be decided) Life Insurance and Funeral (again, to be decided)

Morbid?Me? No, I'm preparing for the inevitable .Looking forward to it? Are you fucking kidding me?!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! There is an element of fear within all this preparation - Will I be compos mentis? Will I be in pain? Will I be able to outwardly express myself or will I be screaming inside whilst looking'at peace'? What happens when I die? I'm agnostic ( no, not on the fence just edging my bets!) Is it just blackness ? Will I see anyone I know (Fab Hubby? Mom?Dad?Nan?) I think because I'm super aware of my existence - I'm quite weird in that sense- I'm shitting myself about the end , the process, the feeling. Fab Hubby shouted my name on the morning he passed and I strongly believe he was aware he was dying and, no , he didn't want to - ever .He loved life and would often bargain with God  '' I've asked him for five years ' ( the year before he passed)
So, that's one of the reasons I'm arranging stuff - because I think Life will take my mind so I don't know, so that I'm not aware. Life took my Dads mind , brutally.My Moms was gentle but none the less elsewhere
The main reason is Kelly - I don't want her to have that stress , that financial burden .I'm good at organising , I'm a Virgo haha! So, though I know it won't be easy for her emotionally , I'm trying to make the technical side of it as watertight as possible. Everyone is individual , some can face things others ignore - thats your choice ( I informed Kelly of my POAs that same year, on Mothers Day -
' Only you!!!' she said) but just in case you are interested:

Lasting Power Of Attorney

Advance Decision/Living Will

Funeral Wishes


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