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Thursday, 20 April 2017

It's all such an effort......

Can't really say I remember much learning till Senior School and the intensity .Pop quizzes each week,Revision Tests at the end of each term and then the Big ones at the end of Secondary School (now outdated-C.S.E) Dreading Maths and Science plus P.E (my head use to seize up along with my body – loved my monthly cycle and made a career of truancy in last year especially)
But put me in front of a  book, ask me to read aloud, set me a subject to write a story or compose a poem on and I never wanted to leave ! I would listen to Stan Barstow’s ‘Joby’ or read aloud a paragraph in ‘Hobsons Choice ‘ My stories would flow from my pen like the ink in them, I relished English exams and waited with bated breath for the results to be posted , my confidence left me only once when my English teacher wrote I was overconfident – I had just sat my pre – English test and hadn’t revised as I loved all the books we were studying and knew them inside out – I was convinced she knew the result and never felt so scared – I felt sick .The day they were posted I dreaded it , trying to look nonchalant I sauntered towards the board – 1st !! Did I become a writer ? Nope. Did I teach ? Nope. Well…..

Motivation
I am very motivated at times but usually motivated to do nothing – making an effort is….well, an effort. I wanted to be famous when I was younger – at what, I honestly don’t know but whatever it was required effort and as I say.......
Ambition
I don’t have any ; well none in the job sense anyway . I strive to be a better Mother to my daughter , a good Grandmother to my grandchildren and to be happy .The Sister on a ward I worked on once said ‘ you have no ambition’ we were talking about NVQs and Nursing  – I was slightly hurt ( only slightly though, others got madder about it ) But you know what ? She was right , she also said University would be a culture shock for me – having seen my daughters assignments, work etc plus visiting her regularly throughout her Degree and Masters – I agree . She worked her ass off both times and is still going strong working to make her dissertation into a novel  and her own blog  https://www.kellyallenwriter.com/
I have 2 CVs – my job hunting one and my real one – the real one is laughable , it ranges from Hairdressing Apprentice( I told the manager I didn't think I was cut out for that kind of work – no pun intended at the time- he said he thought I’d made a wise choice ..) to Room Maid ( being asked if I knew if any of the women I worked with would like to spend the night with him – I was very naive once – told someone I didn't as they were all married, this after walking in on him naked) to Auxiliary Nurse, Sales Assistant, and Waitress ( one Chef said he only came to work to see me fall in the kitchen- I use to rush in and out – as I fell like a cartoon ,up in the air first
Hard Work
And we are back to effort, and you know my stance on that !
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